Surgeon Needed to Remove Freak Magnet

January 3, 2010 at 4:52 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

What better topic for my new blog than to discuss my unusual affliction. Apparently, I have a freak magnet lodged somewhere deep inside my body, and I would really like to find someone skilled enough to remove it permanently.

You always hear women talk about being a “freak magnet.” But they’re just trying to be funny. I am the bona fide real thing. Know a guy who keeps a hissing cockroach colony next to his collection of L. Ron Hubbard tomes? I guarantee he has tried to strike up a conversation with me on some stray Saturday night. If your cousin is still living in your aunt’s basement at age 45 and uses three “T’s” when emailing a woman he thinks is hot, he would probably be drawn to me like a fly to a bug zapper.

When out on New Year’s Eve, a rather odd fellow, who seemed to be channeling Capote, passed my way. My friend immediately pointed out the stellar odds that he would be the one most apt to ask for my number. Thank goodness he ended up having an equally unique bride, proving there really is someone for everyone. So apparently, I have a reputation now that I really don’t want to uphold.

I would like to think the reason for the odd attractions are due to the opposites attract philosophy. If I attract the freaks, I must be the anti-freak, right? However, I am sure there are many people who feel I am the type you can’t take home to mother. Even if you still live in her basement.

So if you know of a good surgeon who can remove the freak magnet, I would love to give them my business. Perhaps they would be able to demagnetize me.

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