Movie Buffs

January 25, 2010 at 1:16 am (Uncategorized)

I love to go out to the movies. There is something so satisfying about seeing larger than life actors and actresses play out a slice of life. I am lucky enough to have a Dipson Theatre five minutes from my house. They are the Buffalo area theatres that bring the small-run films to town; the ones that only tend to gain attention this time of year when the award shows nominate films you never heard of.

What I hate about going to the movies concerns the others that seem to surround me….the others who haven’t seemed to yet catch on the fact that they are no longer in their living rooms, but in a giant room with other people who have paid $10 to be entertained by the people up on the screen (how’s that for an angry run-on sentence). So I give to you my top three list of those annoying others that seem to find their way into every movie I attend!

Captain or Mistress Obvious

Considering I am now an intelligent 36 years old, and I still have my eyesight, I really don’t need you to give me a play-by-play of what is going on up on the screen. “Oh, he was dreaming!” Yes, usually when they have a scene followed by the character snapping awake in bed, it means he had been dreaming. We covered that in film 101. “Oh, he has a gun!” Yes, he has a gun. We can all see that. How about trying to point out something interesting, like all of the people glaring at you, trying to will you to shut your trap as we’re trying to listen.

Mr. and Mrs. Chew

Yes, part of the movie experience is getting the tasty snacks. But, I don’t need to know that you are eating them. There really is no conceivable reason for me to be able to hear you chomping on your popcorn other than you really were raised in a barn. It’s called keeping your lips together while you are chewing. Try it sometime. It might even keep some kernels from falling out.

Jabberjaw

Hey guess what? Whatever gossip about your life is not more interesting or important to the rest of us than watching the movie. If you seriously cannot stop talking for the two hours it takes for a movie to play…well, there is medication for that. As there is for aunt Gertie’s foot issue that you seem to think the rest of us care so much about. Sometimes you are better seen and not heard; trust us on that one.

So help me, help you. If you see any of these characters at your local movie theatres, suggest a Netflix subscription. Together, we can win this fight.

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