How can you say no to these guys?

February 1, 2010 at 1:10 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

After riding the Creep Express Rollercoaster these last couple of weeks, I decided I needed to regain my sense of humor when it comes to dating, particularly online dating. I’m realizing I’m probably not going to get much out of it, except for a few good stories… Though I was hoping for a couple of good dinners…but hey, I’m not done yet!

So I decided to share some of the items that make me chuckle when perusing the dating sites…namely the creative usernames and headlines men choose as a way to entice the female of the species. I’m not certain who is advising these fellows, but they seriously need to be fired.

My favorite Usernames

I am not making any of these up. While I won’t reveal the dating site I found these on, if you search, you will find them.

Milf_Buster Now I’m not sure if this guy is actually an FBI agent looking to rid the whole of hot moms or some sort of mysoginistic freak…but I’m not willing to find out

mentalward333 Nothing says “come get me” like the promise of mental health issues. Still kicking myself for not sending him a message.

Row Me OOO I’m all for clever word play and literary allusions. But I have one word for this attempt: FAIL

niceflavor Seriously? All you got is that you taste good? And who do I call for references?

stimul8r What cracks me up is that this guy probably thought he was the most clever dog on the block when he thought of this. Or maybe he just saw it on a bumper sticker.

My favorite headlines

The headline for an online profile is supposed to capture your interest and make you seem attractive to possible mates. These succeed on the former and fail miserably on the latter.

I Just Want To Check You For Ticks Really, nature boy? If that is your biggest concern in today’s dating world, I suggest you re-take health class. Ticks should be the least of your worries.

Rarely used semi-virgin for sale Ok. Isn’t that like saying you are a “little bit pregnant”? Maybe I need to take health class again myself, but I’m pretty sure that whole virgin thing is a black or white issue.

Just lookin for whatever may come my way & Just looking for someone not crazy I’m glad these gusy are being so openminded. I’m thinking I would love to date someone whose best compliment for me is, “at least you’re not nuts.”

Do Not Contact Me If U Fear Rapture… I really, really want to know if this means in a religious way, or if this guy thinks he’s Blondie reborn. Because Deborah Harry’s still alive and I don’t think many people are afraid of her. Or maybe he’s just crazy enough to think he is that good…OK, that’s probably it.

The sad thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not sure how successful these gents are at finding a mate, considering they do such a great job of advertising themselves. But I am sure they make it a lot easier to keep your sense of humor as you scour the sites, looking for love.


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