Damn icebergs….

February 8, 2010 at 2:02 am (Uncategorized)

Can we just say that my foray into online dating this time around has been more tragic that The Titanic…because James Cameron will never want to make a blockbuster about this drama. And because Leonardo DiCaprio has never mounted my bow, shouting “I’m king of the world!” But, I digress. For some reason, the great big sea has been filled with icebergs instead of tasty fish. I blame global warming. Damn CFCs.

In reality, I blame Al Gore. Didn’t he invent the Internet? That’s why he’s so hot about global warming; he knows it’s a red herring to cover up the havoc he wreaked upon humanity. At least Tipper forced the record companies to slap parental advisories on our CDs, so kids could know which ones are full of cursing and sexual references.

I’m getting off topic. I really have no one to blame but myself. At heart, I am an optimist and believe in the basic goodness of man. This lulls me into a false sense of reality that the world is not over-populated by assholes. At this point, whereas I have come to the disappointing conclusion that the Loch Ness Monster is not real, I need to acknowledge that assholes do, in fact, exist. Because I have made first contact with a LOT of them.

What I still don’t understand, is how I seem to be an irresistible beacon. Somehow, my power transcends the cold wires that connect one laptop to another…I seem to have my own personal wireless freak satellite orbiting the globe. I know I’ve complained about this before, but no one gave me any sort of acceptable reason for the situation, so I still get to complain.

I’ve been contacted by scam artists. I’ve been contacted by men who only want sex. How do I know? They send me a message that asks “Do you want to have sex?”…well actually, the usually read “do u want 2 have sex”, so I am assuming they are asking. I have been contacted by guys who tell me I am too fat, and by guys who tell me…wait for it…I’m not fat enough. And people wonder why I’m not having fun yet.

Most recently, I’ve been in contact with a guy who seems stable, sincere and kind. I’m not saying anything else right now, for fear of jinxing the hell out of myself. I’m just hoping he’s not like the Loch Ness Monster; something I think would be so cool if it really did exist, but all evidence points to the contrary. And hopefully, he’s not like Bigfoot, either…he’s too hairy.


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