Dating 101: What Not to Say in the First 30 Seconds

March 27, 2010 at 12:29 am (Uncategorized)

Did you ever imagine the first few seconds of speaking on the phone to the man of your dreams? A smooth tenor, sweeping you off your feet with their eloquent prose…well, this is not that story.

Instead, I discovered that even I can be judgmental enough to think, I don’t want to date you just because you said that. Apparently, you don’t want to start off a first time conversation with someone by asking, “How are you?” They just might tell you.

So that’s what I made the mistake of doing–asking how he was.

This is what I was told (to the best of my memory…and sadly, I am not embellishing for effect this time):

…Well, I woke up last night around 3am and had to go to the bathroom. I kind of had a stomach ache. So there I am, sitting on the toilet, when all of a sudden, I start puking all over the place…like I can’t stop. And I had Chinese food for dinner, so I’m puking up Chinese…and I can recognize some of what I ate…so I had to clean up all this puke, and then I couldn’t really sleep…

Mind you, this was the first 30 seconds on the phone with this charmer. I was laughing with my hand over the phone, waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out to tell me I was being punk’d. When this charmer finished his speech, I managed to get out, “That’s too bad.”

To which he replied, “Oh, I probably shouldn’t have told you all that, huh.”

Not if you want to get lucky, Cassanova.

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1 Comment

  1. Patty Lakinsmith said,

    Gah! Run, Rachel, Run!

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