I Think My Dog May Go Bald

June 23, 2010 at 2:56 am (Dating is Fun, Funny at least to me, Livin' La Vida Loca, Uncategorized)

You know what does not mix? Nair and Dogs.

So here I am, rushing around earlier this evening, trying to get ready to go out. Like usual, I am running behind, because I tend to forget that time passes. And, wouldn’t you know it, I need to do pretty much the only primping ritual I take part in–the removing of the leg hair.

That’s where the Nair comes in, or goes on, I should say. Nair is nasty stuff that eats away at your skin if you don’t remove it within 5 minutes, and sometimes it actually removes the hair. At the point where I literally finish applying this hair removal miracle, my lab decides it would be a great time to bust into the bathroom…and rub against my leg.

My first reaction is to yell. Loudly. I have never seen my dog give me that look before, which makes me think people in New York city may have heard me. Now, I’m no scientist, but it’s a pretty safe assumption that if Nair can dissolve hair, it’s not going to be too gentle on a dog’s gastrointestinal tract.Which is why I yell. I’m scared I have somehow just killed my dog in an effort to conform to society’s expectations.

After I am reasonably assured that Zoe did not ingest any of the nasty stuff, I take a look at her. She has Nair smeared on her head, down her neck, and onto her back. My first thought? She’s going to look really freaky if I don’t get that crap off of her. That is not something I want to explain to the vet.

So I grab a towel and begin to wipe it off, when I realize you usually have to rinse the Nair off. But I’m running late. I don’t have time to hose her down. I run downstairs, and wet some paper towels and succeeded only in rubbing the Nair around a bit. It’s about this time that the Nair on my underarms begins eating through my flesh.

So now I am faced with a choice no one should have to make. Do I choose my dog’s hair or my own skin? I figure, she’s got a lot of hair, and I’m really getting a little tired of her shedding anyway, so I choose my skin. Sorry, Zoe. We’ll laugh about this some day, really.

Please note, no animals were harmed in the making of this blog. And my dog really isn’t going bald from the Nair experience. At least, not yet.

Permalink 3 Comments